apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
