Sry I called you an 8
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
