So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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