Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
