Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
