Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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