My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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