last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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