all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
