So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
