Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
