Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
