Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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