friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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