Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
