Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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