You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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