why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm eating all of the evidence.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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