don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
