dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
