i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
