Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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