Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
