"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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