Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
