So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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