Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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