I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
