I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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