You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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