i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
