So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
