He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
