Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just made out with a guy for $7.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
