So drunk its hurt
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
