either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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