Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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