How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
