But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We are all done wearing pants today
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
