ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
