Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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