Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
