I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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