If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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