You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
