You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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