then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
