Betty ford says i'm here all night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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