Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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