Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
