We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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