Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
