You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
